If you plan to be a fully participant father, sharing the birth process isn't enough. You need a chance also to share the ongoing process of settling your baby into the family. It wouldn't hurt to ask about paternity leave, you may be surprised! If someone else is to stay in your home to help, try to insure that it is someone with whom you feel comfortable. Above all, try to avoid anyone who's likely to make you feel excluded from a feminine childbirth mystique. Even if nobody deliberately excludes you, it's easy to let yourself off the hook by assuming that your partner knows more about babies than you do. Remind yourself that giving birth and a night or two in the hospital haven't given her any specific mother's expertise that's closed to fathers. If she can already change a diaper and interpret a cry, it's because she's learned. You can learn too! Right now! You really need to get involved with the baby, so that his needs seem primary to YOU, as well as to your partner. Stand outside the deepening relationship between the nursing couple and you may resent it, instead of proudly enjoying your unique ability to facilitate it.
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