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Copyright © 1996 by ParentsPlace.com
Last modified: September 14, 1996
Spanking teaches fear and gives you power over someone more vulnerable than yourself. Do you want your child to fear you, or to love and respect you? Is this the kind of discipline you want your child to learn and to practice when she is an adult?Some say "it works," but what I believe is happening is that she is repressing her anger at being humiliated. Spanking is humiliating. How would you feel if someone spanked you at your age? Your teen's anger will probably emerge later in some unacceptable way. She may run away; she may stay in your home but harbor intense feelings of ill will toward you.
Perhaps spanking was the only kind of discipline you had as a child. If so, think about how you felt about your spankings and your parents. Could things have been different?
What kind of relationship do you want with your daughter when she grows up? Do you want her to fear and avoid you throughout her life? Or do you want her to be a friend of yours when she is an adult, one who will visit you when you are old and alone? Will you want her to visit you with your grandchildren?
Look ahead a few years. If you want good things to happen, you had better stop spanking and start using sensible, positive discipline methods that includes clear communication, praise, problem solving, and contracting. Get the help of a family counselor if necessary.
Talk with your daughter about your expectations, and let her help you make both the rules for her behavior and the consequences for breaking rules. When they are asked to help make rules, teens usually make good ones with tough consequences.
You may want the brochure "Tips on Teaching Self Discipline," which includes 20 proven discipline techniques that work much better than spanking. Write a check or money order to "Tips on Discipline" and send your request with $2 and a self addressed, stamped business envelope to KP Enterprises, Dept. 2, 115 Youngs Circle, Fayetteville, GA 30215.