Encourage, EncourageNational Parenting Center | TNPC Mall | Index to More Essays | Dialog Rooms
Encourage, EncourageWe all need encouragement - you do and so does your child. In some ways we are all helpless little people trying to cope with a complex world. The rules change practically every day and it's hard to keep up. No one needs encouragement more than children. There are so many pressures and temptations that they need all the support we can give. Whatever they try to do, stand behind them. Let them know you believe they can accomplish their goal by saying, "I think you can do it." acknowledge their accomplishments, however small.
Be careful not to confuse encouraging with pushing. Too often I see parents who are actually discouraging their child by pushing the things they care about rather then letting the child fulfill his or her own desires. For example, Sloane wanted her daughter Lindy to excel in track; and daily pointed out her talent. She was quite surprised when Lindy quit the track team and told her, "If you like track so well, why don't you do it?" Sloane had to admit that she was pushing her favorite sport rather than supporting Lindy in doing what she wanted.
Don't try to persuade your child to follow your dreams by saying, "I'd rather you became an engineer," to her desire to become an editor. When you encourage you inspire your child to be herself. If she has a dream, tell her it's a wonderful dream-no matter what. Don't knock it and don't put fear into her by saying, "There aren't that many jobs for astronauts."
Children have goals and ambitions of their own. Your job is to cheer them on. And don't forget to recognize their efforts. One parent said after reviewing a much improved report card, "You put in a lot of work to get these grades. Congratulations!" In some families the child who messes up gets all the attention, so don't forget to give words of praise to the child who is quietly doing well.
Suzannah frequently says to her children "I trust you to know what is right for you." Such heartening words are music to the ears and echo the message. It's okay to discover who you are and to find out what you're all about. With such uplifting coaching from you, even when they have a setback, they won't be pessimistic for long.
Love them and believe in them totally. Jean and George told their children, "Whatever you are wishing for, we wish for you." With this kind of loving backup, you will be a light of inspiration guiding your children as they become what they are capable of being.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
To purchase this and other great parenting books, please peruse TNPC's Mall.
Programmed by:
http://www.parentsplace.com/
Last modified: March 24, 1996