Answer
Their Questions If you want the kind of relationship with your child in which he knows he can come to you with any question, concern, or upset, be sure to answer his questions honestly. This is not always easy, because children have a knack for asking the hard ones: "Did you ever skip school?" "What happens when you die?" "Who is God's mother?"Constant questions are a sign of an intelligent child. And it isn't a sign of disrespect when she questions your words or actions. An inquisitive child does not go along willy-nilly with authority figures, including her parents. A child who follows blindly without asking why can be easily led. So respect questioning. And if you don't know the answer, say soÑ"I don't know, that's a good question"Ñthen help your child find answers. Try not to lose patience with the continual "whys" or "how comes" the little ones ask, nor with the tougher questions that are sure to follow.
When Megan asked her mom if she had ever smoked cigarettes, Karen wanted to stretch the truth but decided to be straightforward rather than have Megan find out from Grandma, and perhaps, she thought, Megan might already know. So Karen answered yes, which led to an open talk between them. Remember that lies, half-truths, and deceptions confuse a child. No matter how tough the question, the truth is always better. If you avoid giving honest answers, your child will get the feeling that she can't trust you.
Here's the tricky thing about questions: although it is important to answer their questions, it is equally important that you not ask too many yourself. Perhaps you've noticed that children, especially as they approach their teens, often get defensive when you ask even the simplest question. Though you are genuinely interested in their lives, they for some reason think you are snooping, prying, or butting in where it is none of your business. Teens share only what they want, when they want. So here is the rule: Don't ask teenagers many questions, but always answer theirs. You can survive with your sense of humor intact if you think of it as a stage they're going through, albeit a long one! This too shall pass, and you will once again be able to have a normal conversation.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
To purchase this and other great parenting books, please peruse TNPC's Mall.
