Really Love Yourself Loving yourself is the basis for all that is beautiful and meaningful in the human experience, and parenting is no exception. Simply put, because self-love is the basis of individual responsibility and joy, you cannot be a good parent if you don't love yourself. For it is through discovering how precious you are that you are able to have the courage and self-confidence that parenting requires; by loving yourself you will have an internal sense of well-being so that, rather than looking to your children for validation, you have your own identity. Loving yourself is the first step toward making room in your life for a new, little person, because you are then able to love your children for love's sake, rather than for what they can do for you.What does it mean to love yourself as a parent? It means taking time for yourself daily. Respecting yourself. Pampering yourself once in a while. It means learning about your unique talents and enjoying whatever makes your heart sing. It means sticking up for yourself when you know you need to.
It's a daily process in which you come to know yourself as you are, forgive yourself for the not-so-loving parts you uncover, and, finally, take whatever loving action is needed for your personal growth. When you love yourself you are able to admit your shortcomings, knowing that although things have not always been easy for you, you have done the best you can. When you love and accept who you are, you will not be afraid to grow, to learn, to change. You will feel alive and have the energy you need to enjoy and nurture your family. Because children learn by example, you are the greatest teacher of what loving yourself really means. Here's a story to illustrate:
- Although Kris, age twenty-nine, felt guilty going back to college, she decided to follow her longing. The kids had to pitch in. They ate more fast food, had less money, and learned daily living skills earlier than some of their friends. At graduation her children, eight and nine, walked across the stage hand-in-hand with their mom. Upon her receiving her diploma, the kids handed her a handmade card that said, "We are proud of you! We did it." Think about the powerful, positive lessons Kris taught her kids by loving herself enough to follow her own heart: that success is possible, that success comes from teamwork, and that there is joy in pulling together.
If or when you find yourself feeling resentful toward your children, saying or thinking, "After all I do for you," it's time to shift the focus onto yourself. For when you are not true to yourself, instead of feeling love for your child, you soon start resenting him or her, and that wall of resentment is hard to take down. When you are not true to yourself, you feel out of balance and your day gets out of whack; you get angry more quickly and snap more. But when you take care of yourself, your children feel contentment in their bones.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
To purchase this and other great parenting books, please peruse TNPC's Mall.
