Take
Time AwayNobody wants to be together all the time.Children need time away from you and you need time away from them. Whether it is a little break in the day or a weekend getaway, being apart can refresh everyone.Start with a little getaway when they are babies. Allie sits on the front steps and reads while her three month old naps. Sometimes she hires a sitter so she can ride her bike. Although it is true that some babies adapt well to a loving caretaker and others rebel, as long as you find a trustworthy sitter a little time away won’t hurt and can do you worlds of good. Martha feels a twinge as she leaves her one year old, Andrew, while she takes a pottery class. He always cries as she walks out the door, but each time she comes back she finds him playing happily.
Time away can add new insights to your life and will help you appreciate each other more. When they reach school age your kids will start wanting to spend the night with friends. Juan, six years old, started spending Friday nights with his buddy. His dad, a single parent, missed him but decided it was good for Juan to find out how other families live, so he didn’t take it personally; he found that he enjoyed his time alone.
Don’t make excuses that you are too busy. Todd convinced Meryl to join him on a weekend business trip when their twins were just two. Meryl was in agony for the first six hours or so, but when she called home and found that her mother had everything under control, she relaxed. Now they go away each fall, leaving their four teenagers to care for themselves. They call it their “necessary for sanity trip.”
You need regular time to be alone, to reflect, to sit quietly. You also need time to talk privately with your spouse or friends. For a short break, go to the bedroom for a nap or soak in the tub. A fifteen-minute time-out can revitalize you and your child. Lisa told her five and seven year olds: “I’m feeling cranky, so I’m taking a time-out in my getaway chair.” It worked.
Take a weekend outing alone. If you feel a little guilty, remember that a little guilt is preferable to pile of resentments because you never have time for yourself. When you are stressed-out, burned-out, or suffering from too much togetherness, the best way to deal with it is to announce honestly to your child, “It’s time for my break. I need a half hour alone.” Then hang out the “Do not disturb” sign. In fact, make sure each family member has a “Do not disturb” sign to hang on their door when they need to get away and be alone.
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