Ask Their Opinions Raising children is a two-way street. It isn't just the filling up of an empty vessel with your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Kids have opinions, impressions, thoughts, and ideas of their own to share, if you would just ask. And if you are willing, they can even show you a new perspective. They tell the truth. We adults may be a little jaded, or perhaps we have forgotten what it's like to be a child. Molly told her father as they were getting ready for church, "It's hard to go to church when I'm having fun at home."Children have opinions about a lot of things. Take the time to say, "What do you think?" or "I'm wondering how you are feeling," or "Any ideas?" Listen to their responses. From something as simple as what to cook for dinner to the more complicated matters of allowance and curfew, children have valid suggestions and observations of their own. Michelle proposed painting her room pink, yellow, and green plaid. It looks great! Even very young children know what they like. At ten months old, Martin knew for sure that he didn't like squash and spit it out each time his father tried to feed it to him, and one-year-old Kalle hated playing in sand or getting her hands dirty.
Children are curious observers of their world. Let them know it's okay to express themselves. You might be surprised at what they have already learned. Lacey told her aunt, "My mom thinks there's a Santa Claus, but I know there isn't." At six years old, Jill told her mother, "I'll study my spelling words after I play for one hour." And Riley told his parents, "I think playing one sport is enough for me."
Children have lots to say and when asked will give you new ideas where you might be stuck. At age eight, Manda told me about a new baby-sitter and got her phone number from a neighbor. We tried her out and Manda informed me, "She isn't any good because she talks on the phone too much." So I didn't use her again.
Don't be so quick to discount your child's thoughts and feelings. Recently, while speaking to a group of junior high students, I asked them what they wished their parents would do differently. One girl raised her hand and said, "I wish my parents would listen more." Several others agreed, and one teenage boy added, "Kids know how to listen better than adults."
Kids do have something to say, so if you stay open to what that is, you will discover what they know. Involving your child in this way may take time and energy, but it's the beginning of creative problem solving.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
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