Allow
Them to Love Themselves A little person who loves himself grows up to be a responsible adult, able to live life fully. High self-esteem is the best foundation for your children's future. Experts in child development tell us that when children have high self-esteem they are able to learn and function better in school, they have friends, they feel connected with others, and they know they belong. They are competent, can make meaningful decisions, and are willing to try. They are optimistic, curious, and enjoy life. Loving oneself develops true character that cannot be swayed by such things as peer pressure or the countless outside influences your child will surely face.Helping your children accept themselves just as they are is what unconditional love is all about. So above all else, don't base your love on what they do, but rather simply on the fact that they exist. When Garret asked his dad, "What do you like about me?" his father answered, "You!"
"What about me?" asked Garret.
"What I like about you, Garret, is that you are you. I like you."
One day when my daughter, Manda, was in the first grade, she came home from school and I asked her, "What did you do in school today?"
"I can't tell you," she announced.
"Why not?"
"Because you'll get mad."
Now, of course, I was more curious than ever. So I thought about it for awhile and then told her, "Manda, if you decide to tell me what you did in school today, I promise that if I get mad, I'll just go straight to my room."
"You promise?"
"Yup," I replied.
"Well, today we had to write down who our best friend was. . . . I didn't write down you, Mom."
"Oh?"
"I wrote down me. I just can't help it, I like me best! But I wrote you down second."
I was so pleased; I thought to myself, congratulations, you haven't ruined her yet. I was glad that she liked herself first and that she recognized her own value, because with this inner sense of self-worth, I knew she would enjoy herself, her school, her friends, and her life.
When a little person finds herself through the miracle of self-acceptance, her life becomes a self-fulfilling journey; suddenly she's powerful enough to bravely cope with all the challenges and the ups and downs that life will bring. The bonus is, as she learns to be compassionate toward herself, love for others is sure to follow.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
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