Learn
about Parenting IF YOU EVER ROCKED A BABY in the stillness of the night, then got up with the light of morning exhausted from lack of sleep, you know how difficult parenting can be and also what joy your child can bring. If you have ever cuddled your baby and had that very same sweet-smelling baby spit up on your freshly washed shirt, you know how frustrated you can feel while at the same time your heart wells up with overwhelming love. If you have ever resented spending your hard-earned money on piano, tennis, swimming, ballet, or gymnastics lessons that seem to be taken for granted, then watched with pride your child's sense of accomplishment, you know the difficult journey you face and what rewards it will bring.Sometimes you get so annoyed that you want to scream, rant, and rave about all you have done for them; then they bring you a bouquet of dandelions and your heart melts. As they grow they seem to challenge you at every turn; they no longer accept your guidance unquestioningly, but seem to disagree with every word you utter; then when you're sure you'll go mad, out of the blue they make an observation, see a new angle, or put a new twist on things, and you marvel at the brilliance of their perspective.
No one ever said parenting is easy. Parenting means giving unselfishly when you are exhausted. It means buying your children new shoes while you go without. It means going by someone else's schedule. It means staying up late and not being able to sleep in. It means sharing everything: your money, your food, your makeup, your socks. It means looking out for another's welfare. When your children are babies it seems as though you pack up the entire house just to go to the grocery store, and when they are older you drive them to the movies, but they won't sit next to you. Some days they won't leave your side, but other days, without knowing how, you embarrass them, and they refuse to be seen with you in public. You strive to be a good parent, but you struggle with self-doubt.
Although parenting is perhaps the most important calling, it is the least-taught art in this culture. As a society we seem to think that the mere biological capacity to bear children qualifies us to raise them well. But we are slowly recognizing that we could all use some lessons, some skill building, and fortunately there are many great classes around. Parent Effectiveness Training is an wonderful course taught almost everywhere, or look for classes at your local community college; talk to other parents, or read books on parenting and child development. You might consider joining or starting a parenting support group, or taking a class to help you heal and grow. If you are not happy with yourself and who you are as a person, you can't give to your child what you don't have yourself. Perhaps you might benefit from counseling. Whatever your need, if you look, you will find it; if you need help, please ask for it.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
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