Handle
with Care When a package arrived in the mail marked "handle with care," no one would consider throwing it around carelessly. No one would ignore it, regard it as a nuisance, or be annoyed with it. The package would be opened slowly, tenderly, because it is fragile. Loving attention would be given. Perhaps if we think of children as precious little bundles sent special delivery directly from the heavens, we might be more patient with their troublesome behaviors.Our children do many things that frazzle our nerves and push our buttons, but remembering that their hearts are delicate might help us be more sensitive. It is possible to devastate children's spirits with harsh words, or by ignoring them, or brushing them off. So instead of threatening, "If you don't stop it this minute, I'll really give you something to cry about," or asking the ridiculous, "Do you want a spanking?" try stopping for a moment to ask yourself, Why am I overreacting?
There is a big difference between acting and reacting, and as a parent it is important to learn the distinction. This requires thought, practice, and a lot of deep breathing. When Tommy broke his mother's favorite vase after she had asked him repeatedly to stop throwing the ball in the house, for a moment she thought she would come unglued. She didn't react; instead she counted to a thousand and waited to see what would happen. She told me she learned a lot that day: Tommy had to focus on his own misbehavior instead of dealing with her hysterical reaction. He quietly picked up the broken vase and brought it to her, and she could see that he had learned a painful lesson. They talked about what had happened, and he promised never to throw the ball in the house again. And he didn't.
When you find yourself coming down hard on your child, or when your reaction is out of proportion, take a long deep breath, count to ten or ten thousand, and ask yourself, "What is going on with me, right now?" or "Why am I feeling this way? Breathe, breathe, breathe, and think before you act, so that once again you can feel the extraordinary sweetness of your child. Nothing is more important than handling their bodies and souls with tender loving care.
Copyright 1996 by Judy Ford. Reprinted here with permission from Conari Press. This essay may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any manner, including electronic, without prior written permission from the publisher.
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