Adopting A Child From A Foreign Country

While a child of another race will become a true member of your family, he or she can never be fully assimilated it's cruel and unrealistic to let such a child think he or she is "just like you." The more thoroughly you are able to familiarize yourself with such things as the other country's religion and holidays, social mores and family relationships, the better you will be equipped to help your child retain his or her cultural identity and racial pride. As marriage may bring new cultural dimensions to a family, so may the adoption of a child from abroad.

• Don't allow yourself to be discouraged if your child seems less than perfectly healthy when he or she arrives. Most illnesses are treatable and reversible, and seeing your child through to full health can deepen your bonds with each other.
• And don't worry if he or she seems behind in development. Undernourishment and the understimulation of life in an orphanage may be responsible, and both can be corrected.
• Put off a visit to a doctor for at least 24 hours after your child's arrival. The testing and handling necessary in a checkup are liable to be frightening. And delay dental care or elective medical procedures, if at all possible, until your child is adjusted to your family (and the language, if he or she is talking).
• Try to maintain a loose, relaxed schedule for a time; children from some cultures live unstructured, flexible lives, especially in regard to eating and sleeping.
• Respect your child's habit of sleeping with an adult or another child when he or she first arrives, if that has been his or her pattern and you can manage it.
• Expect some behavioral changes in toddlers and preschoolers, regression in toilet training, increased irritability, fearfulness, sleep problems, aggressive behavior. They're all natural reactions to a changed life.
• Let your child keep any security items he or she may have brought along, even if they don't meet your standards of cleanliness or appropriateness.
• Discuss milk intolerance with your doctor, if your child shows signs of it. Children from many cultures have difficulty tolerating milk and suffer from cramps and diarrhea if they are given it.
• Allow your child contact with other children from his or her own land and culture, if possible, especially if he or she is old enough to talk.

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