Discipline With Love

How can a parent correct or discipline without making a child belittled, as if he or she is a bad or worthless person? The answer is "very carefully." The important message is to first remember that you're trying to teach your child, not get back at him or her for misbehaving. Your choice of words can sometimes make all the difference. Do you start sentences with "I" or with "you"?

• "I" sentences state personal feelings ("I feel bad when you..." or "I get angry when you're late, and dinner gets cold.").

• "You" sentences tend to be accusatory, and we all get defensive when the finger's pointed at us ("You're late, and dinner's cold.").

• Try to avoid absolutes like "you always" or "you never." To a child, they often mean there's no hope for improvement, no chance of ever pleasing you, which is what kids really want to do.

Basically, I think talking to your child as you would talk to an adult solves a lot of problems. It comes down to showing respect for your child and concern for his or her feelings. You love the child; it's a particular action you don't like. Be sure your child understands that very clearly.

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