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Teaching Kids That It's OK To Take Risks

by Evelyn Petersen

There is no way we can protect our children from the many disappointments they will encounter in life. We can show our love and help them most when we teach them that they can SURVIVE disappointments.
We need to encourage children to take considered and age appropriate risks, and we must also allow them to experience failure. Only then will they discover their own strengths and know that they can survive and go on.

It's like learning to ski. Since falling is inevitable, the first thing you learn is how to fall down and pick yourself up. You know ahead of time that when you do fall, you can handle it.

Kids need to fall sometimes too, so that they learn how to pick themselves up. We need to let them choose friendships that may not last, or try out for the team, or try for cheerleader, or try for a part in a play...even if we think their chances are slim to nothing.

Yes, it is our job to remind them they might not succeed, but we might also say, "How will you know for sure unless you try," or "Even if you do not make it, it will be a really good experience to try for it." (Think about how valuable this life skill experience will be later, when they go job hunting.)

If or when they do fail, acknowledge their disappointment; do not gloss over their feelings. Saying, "But you're so good at such and such," or "I love you anyway" will NOT help. It will not give them confidence or strength because this sort of "comforting" does not allow them to fully experience their pain. They need to find out they can get through that pain, that disappointment, and go on!

Kids need to understand that failures and disappointments are TEMPORARY. Don't protect them from failure; let them learn from it. Ask your daughter if she realizes that there is a possibility that she might not make it. If she still wants to try out, encourage her and be there for her no matter what the outcome.

Ms. Petersen's nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. Her new book "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning: The What Why and How of Lesson Plans" has just been released.

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