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Last modified: May 26, 1997
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I received and interesting letter from a woman in Ohio recently who was concerned about the social differences between herself and her young son.Q. I am often at odds with my eight year old son because he's an introvert and I am an extrovert. I have to admit that I nag him to be more sociable and talkative. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on him, but it seems to me he needs to be more outgoing if he is ever going to be successful.A. Nagging him to be something other than he is will not change him. It is more likely to diminish family communication and damage your relationship with him. Surely this is not what you want. In addition, he might develop stress related symptoms which can lead to health problems and result in poor school work.
Researchers have found that childhood stress is escalating, and doctors report increases in depression among school children. Stress increases cholesterol levels, susceptibility to infection, and likelihood of accidents in both children and adults.
Some of the symptoms of childhood stress are tics, sleeping problems, teeth grinding, bed wetting, headaches, increased sensitivity to allergies, dizziness, and self abusive behavior. If you see a combination of these symptoms in your son, get professional help.
To gain a better understanding of your son's needs, consider writing to "Working Mother" magazine for a reprint of their February 1992 article "Introvert or Extrovert: Understanding the Keys to Your Child's Personality," by Mary Kurcinka. The author describes children who demonstrate either introvert or extrovert behavior and explains the special needs of these children within the family.
In our society, extroverts outnumber introverts three to one, so introverts are often under pressure to be different. Don't do this to your son! Accept and understand him for the unique person he is.
Be a responsible parent. Think about what he may need in order to grow as an individual. He may need private, quiet time to recharge after being drained when he interacts with others. He may need his own work space and time for reflection in order to be comfortable and productive.
Be realistic. Remember that all of us exhibit BOTH introvert and extrovert behaviors at different times, depending on the situation. Children who often exhibit introvert behavior are not "weak". They are usually strong willed and very persistent individuals who carefully figure things out before "jumping in." And guess what...they often become very successful adults!
Ms. Petersen's nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. Her new book "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning: The What Why and How of Lesson Plans" has just been released.
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