Want to Scream?

by Evelyn Petersen

Question:
Our three year old son is so picky about food. He won't eat anything but yogurt, chicken nuggets, oatmeal, grape nuts, cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and fruit. Even though these foods are probably healthy, it drives me crazy that he won't try anything new; It makes me want to scream. S.A. Portland OR

Answer:
Your pediatrician or family doctor has probably already told you to stop worrying, relax, and enjoy your child. He is eating a nutritionally healthy diet (which hopefully also includes some milk), and he will try new foods when he is ready, probably in this next year. You are overreacting and setting up an unnecessary power struggle.
Put your time to better use by encouraging his use of language, and nurturing his curiosity and problem solving skills. Play "pretend," read to him, and have some fun. One of our daughters ate nothing but cereal and baloney for MONTHS when she was three, and she turned out fine. As a preteen she was a gymnast, and now, at 29, she is a health and fitness expert.

Question:
I am an elementary school teacher aide and I live near two young children whose parents constantly scream at them. I can see that they are very upset about this screaming, as they seem insecure, and it is affecting their work at school. I don't know that the parents will seek help, but maybe they will read your column. Concerned in Madison.

Answer:
Screaming is a form of emotional child abuse that can destroy the child's confidence, make him afraid to try or to learn, and do lifelong harm to his self esteem. Unfortunately, some parents use screaming and yelling as their daily pattern of communication with each other and their children. They may have learned this pattern from their own parents, or they may be so frustrated about their home or job situation that they scream at everyone as a release. No matter what the reasons, these parents should not be screaming and frightening their children. Please talk to appropriate school personnel about getting this family some help. Verbal abuse can sometimes turn into physical abuse.

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