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SPECIAL NEEDS

by Evelyn Petersen

Question:
Dear Evelyn,
Our six year old has several learning disabilities, and she is in special education classes. We are worried about what will happen down the road when she is 18 or 20. What can we do now, in the school years, to give her the life skills she will need in the future?
Thank you.
Answer:
Do all the things other good parents do to prepare their children for life. What special needs children want most is to be treated like other children.

Love her and accept her as she is.
Nurture her personal skills and competence.
Be her constant advocate, but don`t overprotect her.
Teach her to make friends.
Teach her to express her thoughts, feelings, needs and wants.
Be a good listener and teach her this skill.
Be proud of her, both at home and in public.
Help her feel strong, capable, lovable and proud.
Don't make excuses for her; expect appropriate behavior.

All children have special needs and special gifts. Our job is to help each of them make the most of what they have and be all that they can be. To do this we must teach them positive attitudes and nurture self esteem that is based on feeling both lovable (for what I am) and capable (for what I can do).
Most parents of special needs children find that letting them take the normal risks that other kids take is very hard. Overprotecting them makes them feel different and dependent; it does them no favors; it does not make them feel capable or competent. Your support is important, but ALL children need to learn that sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we fail at a task, and sometimes friends are untrue or unkind. We learn to cope with life`s adversities by experiencing them, getting through them, and gaining inner strength in the process. Likewise, avoid making excuses or exceptions for your child's behavior. Use the same firm but loving guidelines and clear expectations that you would for any child, and follow through consistently. Teach her, just like any other child, to accept responsibility for her actions. ALWAYS give descriptive praise for good behaviors and thoughtful choices.
Special needs children do best when they have consistent family routines, orderly and organized personal space, and the opportunity for active play and creative endeavors. Insist on the least restrictive environment for your child; attend regular meetings to plan long and short range education and life skill goals; keep complete copies of her records and files.

Ms. Petersen's nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. Her new book "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning: The What Why and How of Lesson Plans" has just been released.

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